Sophie
Sophie
I just can’t believe it. It just seems so unfair. Jim is the nicest person ever and has always been my rock. We all rely on him – and now this. The big C – testicular cancer.
Oh, I know this is supposed to be my life story – but Jim is my life. He and Rosie mean everything to me. Which is a little strange, as I always saw myself as an independent career woman. I have worked really hard to get where I am today. Despite my work as a children’s nurse, I didn’t think I had strong maternal feelings. In fact, much as I love my sister, Roberta – her condition consumed our family (she has Down’s Syndrome) and I just wanted some space for me.
Perhaps this would be more comprehensible if you understood that I was an only child until Roberta arrived really late in the lives of my parents. I then spent much of my time in boarding schools, whilst my parents traipsed around everywhere trying to get the best help for her. I understand that they had the best intentions where I was concerned but Roberta’s needs were far greater than mine and, when I wasn’t being roped in to help, I was pretty much left to my own devices.
It left me independent and self-sufficient. Why children’s nursing? Maybe I remembered how vulnerable I felt as a child, and wanted to speak for those who seem helpless. I don’t know. Maybe it was Roberta.
Anyway, my work was demanding but fulfilling – and it seemed to be enough. But Jim changed the way I see my world. I met him in my early twenties, knew he was my soul mate and we were married within 6 months. Being loved so unconditionally and being involved in Jim’s rich and happy family life made me want a family of our own. We both wanted children so badly. Remembering Roberta, both Jim and I were acutely aware of the risk related to late pregnancy. We discussed this and decided to have children as soon as possible.
What is the saying about the gap between intent and reality? Whatever – we just couldn’t conceive. After years of trying, we then went through the whole rigmarole of IVF. It is not for the faint-hearted and has cost us dearly – and I don’t just mean money. I am 35 now, and after much soul-searching, we decided that we just wanted children, and if we couldn’t have our own, well adoption was the solution. It was a long process, but Rosie, who is nearly 4, bless her, has been with us for a year now.
It has been such an up-and-down year, filled with the joys Rosie has brought to our lives. It has also been scary, and even though I’m a nurse, when Rosie had chicken pox, all my skills seemed to go out of the window, and we were just scared and concerned parents. We had just gotten through this, when Mum died and Roberta had to go into residential care. She is settled now, but if was a really horrendous time. I am pretty sure that all these stresses affected Jim physically for he landed up in hospital and has just had surgery. I have been reading up about his prognosis on the internet, and it seems that he will be fine, which is in line with what his doctors say. But the chances of children of our own is not high (his sperm was frozen before the operation ‘just in case’).
Well, I have been back at work after adoption leave for a couple of weeks now and just recently taken up a position as a Clinical Nurse Specialist. There is so much to keep me busy: Rosie still has to settle with a child-minder and needs a lot of love and protection, as does Jim – I need to be the rock now. Jim’s oncologist keeps us informed and doesn’t seem to mind when I ask for more tests or make suggestions based on my reading. It helps me to keep some control. I don’t mean to complain for I know we are blessed, but these sometimes seem to be mixed blessings!
What exactly is stress?