Jim
Jim
Discussion with the district nurse post operatively.
Generally I have been really healthy all my life, but about two months ago I found a lump in my left testicle. I left it a extra couple weeks but it didn't go away so went to my GP, he referred me to the hospital. After having a load of blood tests and I had an ultrasound scan. The scan showed a solid lump so they decided to have a look at it under anaesthetic. I had an operation and they removed my testicle.
When I went back to the hospital they told me that the lump was cancer, it was my worst fear. When I first found the lump I did suspect that that was cancer, but until I actually heard the words ‘cancer’, I never thought that it would happen to me….it always happens to somebody else, doesn’t it………? I'm only 41! I feel too young to have a serious disease like cancer. As I said up until now I've been completely healthy. It's pretty scary stuff, I try not to think about it too much but it keeps coming into my head. I keep wondering what happens now…..what will happen if they didn't get it all out? It is just the not knowing….
I didn’t think I would miss a testicle but I feel a bit strange …. Sophie and I had already had fertility problems, so you would think that I wouldn’t give it another thought. The wound seems to be healing OK, but I found it difficult to have a look at the scar when I got home after the hospital…. I still feel… well a bit deformed…sort of less of a man. It’s not the sort of thing that you can talk about with your mates. I haven’t been down the pub, I don’t think my friends will know what to say, they know what’s happened but they look so uncomfortable.
Sophie's been fantastic and she's really supported me through everything. I am not sure how she is coping with everything, as she has a very busy job as a nurse and she organises everything for Rosie. We adopted Rosie about a year ago, it has been a tough time as she took some time to settle in. Sophie’s sister, Roberta also needs our support. She has Down’s syndrome. We haven’t told Rosie or Roberta, I am not sure either of them will understand…. how do you start to explain all of this? It would upset them too much.
I hoped that the operation would be the only treatment I would have to have, but the consultant told me at the last appointment that they wanted me to have some chemotherapy. That was another shock, I have heard so many bad things about chemo, like sickness and your hair falling out. I am really dreading it, but they tell me I need to have it ‘just in case’ as there maybe a few odd cells still in me somewhere, so I guess it is worth it.
Sophie understands much more about the situation, more than I do. She has been able to ask questions and wants to know more than I do. She hasn’t told me but I think she has been looking for more information on the internet to check what treatment I should be having and to find out about any side effects. Me…I just want to get on with it, you don’t have any choice do you? I think if you dwell on it, it brings you down even more. I don’t want to know too much, I just take one day at a time.
One of my main worries is that I am a self-employed accountant, it gives me the freedom to work when I want but it can be quite stressful making sure we have money coming in all the time and I won’t get any sick pay while I am having my treatment.